11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
