I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
