The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
