my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
