this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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