literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
