Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
