so let's talk penis.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
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so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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