I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
