I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
