Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
