Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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