My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
