She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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