My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this will be a night to untag.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
