Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
