I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
