I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
