I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
