I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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