nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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