I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
