Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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