She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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