I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
