Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
