And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
