Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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