It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
