i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
