the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
