yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
