Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
