You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
