I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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