I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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