I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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