just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
