Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
