just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
