I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
