White coat. Heels.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
