I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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