I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
