Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
