Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
