It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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