I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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