they need to just BURY HIM!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.