your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.