omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
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So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets