i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.