I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(