Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He kissed a someone with a penis
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....