mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem