i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks