oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here