whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
cat food counts as protein by the way
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
