If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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