I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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