Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
