I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
