Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
