It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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