I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
