Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
