I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
