so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
