he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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