I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
