Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
