Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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