please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
