My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
