Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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